About two weeks ago, I saw a blurb for a book that sounded too fantastic to be real. Here’s a slightly truncated version, with emphasis added for portions I feel are very important (via Monsters and Critics):
Christopher Farnsworth’s Blood Oath introduced the world to Nathaniel Cade - a covert operative, ruthlessly cunning fighter, tireless avenger, and vampire. Now Farnsworth’s creation returns the new Cade novel The President’s Vampire – arriving on April 28th from in G. P. Putnam’s Sons.
For nearly 150 years Cade has been bound to serve and protect the President of the United State at all costs. He has also been assigned “handler” Zach Barrows, appointed by the president himself to assist Cade whenever and however necessary.
Administration after administration, Cade has done the bidding of the president and kept the country safe from every manner of supernatural threat imaginable. As a supernatural being himself, Cade thought he knew everything about the occult world and what it could throw at him. He was wrong.
The President’s Vampire begins in the aftermath of September 11, 2001, a tragedy that Cade feels he should have been able to prevent. Itching for revenge, he attempts to kill Osama Bin Laden***, only to discover that the terrorist is something other than human. Unfortunately, it’s not the first time Cade has seen something like this. And it won’t be the last.
Cade is about to face the greatest challenge of his unlife: an outbreak of twisted, human-reptilian hybrids who multiply and spread like an epidemic. Insanely fast and voraciously hungry, they will wipe out humanity if unchecked — and some of the most powerful people on the planet seem happy to let them succeed.
Because I am a human person who has not taken leave of his senses, this sounded AMAZING to me! And because I am a very popular and influential sportswriter, I took to Twitter to share this wonderful news with my friends, frenemies, followers, frollowmies — basically, my whole Klout influensphere.
And because I am shameless, two days later I harassed the author, Christopher Farnsworth, for a free copy of “The President’s Vampire” in exchange for all the free promotional work I did for him. Because he is a good egg, he played along. Actually, he more than played along — he sent me a T-shirt with a picture of a bloody presidential seal with a VAMPIRE BAT IN PLACE OF A BALD EAGLE. Above and beyond the call, Mr. Farnsworth. Check out Chris’ website for more about the book, including where you can scoop it up, more TPV (that’s my abbrev, FYI) swag, et cetera.
And let this be a lesson to you: If you want to get free material about vampire paranormal Secret Service agents, you should probably be a jerk on Twitter.
*** All of this took place at a point in time where our global physical reality still included Osama bin Laden. It no longer does. That fact has nothing to do with vampires protecting presidents or twisted human-reptilian hybrids, so it shouldn’t have any bearing on this book.